Depression: Accepting and Coping
Two years ago a few factors in my life triggered a sharp incline in the depression I'd lived with since a young age. I was not diagnosed before that time, but I can now recognize those patterns of depressive thoughts going back into childhood.
For those who do not suffer from this condition, I'd like to offer a simple explanation for what depression does do me. Here goes...
When I encounter a set back, rather than bouncing back from it with resilience, those negative emotions become a cycle that repeats in my mind. Many other things that are not related to that negative emotion tends to fuel it and amplify it. For example, if I've had an unpleasant confrontation with someone, most if not all interactions I have with anyone are tainted with negativity from my perspective, even if that's not the case. Glances from random strangers seem to have judgment behind them, and everyone's facial expression seems to be mistrusting or suspicious towards me.
There are a few issues that perpetuate depression. I will try to lay it out from my own personal experience:
There is a chemical component. Studies show that depressed people have less control of neural receptors in their brain which helps maintain emotion by means of a balanced chemical composition in the brain. I have at times in my life been in a "fog", where I can't feel any happiness, even if I'm surrounded by things that would normally make me happy. For example, I would normally enjoy playing with my children, going for a walk, or taking my wife out for dinner. However, when my depression is affecting me, all I want to do is sleep and avoid everyone. There is often no logical reason for feeling that way, but when I'm in that depressed state, there is nothing that can bring me out of it. Furthermore, I'm aware of how inappropriate my mood is, and that just aggravates the situation, pulled me down deeper emotionally.
I have a very happy life, and have prospered in many ways. I love my wife, have two beautiful children, own a house, drive my dream truck, have several hobbies for outlets, exercise at a gym, and do meaningful work by teaching music at one of the best high schools in the nation. There is no logical reason for me to be depressed, yet the condition has persisted.
Eventually, with the help of my loved ones, I decided to seek out some help. I learned that I was lacking positive coping skills, and needed to make some changes to help me improve my reaction to stressful situations.
The transformation in how I felt was immediate. My relationship with my wife improved drastically, I was able to reflect and be more mindful of how I processed negative emotion, and improved my ability to express my emotions in a positive way, which cleared my head of all the negative thoughts that would have otherwise become a cycle in my thinking and ruined my mood for days.
People who are depressed often lack the healthy coping skills to deal with depression on their own, and the coping mechanisms they create for themselves can often be destructive (alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc). People who suffer from depression are also much more likely to be a danger to themselves and to others. My therapist had some common-sense ideas to help me cope with the negativity I was facing in the work place, was the primary trigger for my depression.
1) Learn to export your thoughts through expression.
I got a blank journal book with no lines. I drew pictures, scribbled, wrote words and phrases, etc. that represented how I felt in that moment. The goal was to get the emotion out of my head and onto the page so I could confront my emotional self logically.
2) Learn to compartmentalize.
I was glued to my phone, watching for emails mostly, from people who caused me a lot of stress. I would sometimes read an email from someone that would ruin my evening with my family. I began to turn off my phone and leave it by the door, not carrying it around with me at all. It was very liberating, and it made sense to me. My job was done for the day, and there's nothing I was going to read that couldn't wait until the next day. Addressing stressful work situations while not at work made things stressful for my family, and ruined my at-home experience. I was giving my stress power over my time away from work. After I started leaving my phone off and by the door, I began to enjoy my time at home much more, and I even got at leaving my thoughts about work at the workplace instead of bringing it home with me.
3) Learn to reset.
I utilized "transition time" to reset my emotional canvas. When you're depressed, you have a hard time processing and compartmentalizing your emotions. You need time to clear your head before moving on to something else. Now and again I would be frustrated from work when I got home, and my family would immediately expect me to hop into whatever they are doing. What I needed was 15-30 minutes to myself to listen to music, clean up the garage, play my guitar, etc. by myself. This process helped acclimate me to being at home, clear my head from any lingering negatives, and then prepare myself to be emotionally "present" with my family. The same goes for work. Get to work 15-30 minutes early and prepare yourself for any stress you might encounter. When you leave home, your thoughts can be filled with your family still by the time you get to work, which makes any unpleasantness all the more intrusive. By leaving your family at home emotionally, you can focus and have a clear head for work. Of course, on the worst days, I look at pictures of my family to remind me that as stressful as my work day might be, it will end, and I will go home to people who love me.
4) Learn to smile.
As ridiculous as it sounds, finding any reason to smile or make someone else smile helps you change the chemistry in your brain. Studies show that by smiling, even when alone, will change your brain chemistry by releasing Dopamine. Smiling at others, even in passing, will almost always illicit a smile in return. This leads to more pleasant interactions during your day, which will in turn reinforce a positive mood and allow you to just feel better. As silly as it may feel to you, fake a smile at someone and see what happens. Those fake smiles will be replaced by real smiles very quickly.
